Thursday, April 27, 2017
Driver Who Cuts Off Annihilationist Told to Go to Hell for a Finite Period of Time
LOS ANGELES, CA—A representative for the California Highway Patrol has advised that the I-10 eastbound freeway was congested for over an hour Wednesday morning due to a two-car accident caused by an alleged illegal lane change, which devolved into a roadside altercation. During the post-crash fight, witnesses confirmed that one of the parties, a staunch annihilationist, colorfully told the other to go to hell for a finite period of time.
Patrick Smith, 29, who firmly believes that hell is not an eternal place of torment but rather a temporary holding place until the damned will be extinguished, claims another driver cut him off and slammed on his brakes, causing Smith’s blue Mazda to rear-end the man’s black SUV. According to witnesses, Smith then got out of his car and began yelling insults, slurs, and profanities entirely in line with his beliefs surrounding the final judgment.
“You can go straight to hades until the Last Judgment, at which time you will cease to exist consciously!” Smith bellowed at the mystified other driver, who then allegedly panicked and sped away from the scene.
“I hope I’m wrong about hell and that guy burns forever!” Smith reportedly screamed at slow-moving rubberneckers passing by his incapacitated vehicle.
LAPD arrived at the scene and took Smith in for questioning. He is currently being held in custody for a short period of time, after which he will be released.
Just a joke, folks. Original 'story' found at The Babylon Bee